Page 15 of 16

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 8:37 pm
by [Aliens]Novas_Father
vad e de för skillnad på vanlig sex och ekologisk sex????






i ekologisk sex får man inte spruta!!

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:50 am
by [Aliens]Chrille
* Det tar 7 sekunder för maten att komma från munnen till magen.
* Människans hårstrå kan hålla 3 kilo vikt.
* Längden av mannens penis är lika med längden av hans tumme gånger 3.
* Lårbenet är lika hårt som cement.
* Kvinnans hjärta slår snabbare än mannens.
* Vi använder 300 muskler bara för att hålla balansen.
* Kvinnor har redan läst färdigt detta sms. Männen tittar fortfarande på sin tumme.

English Translation:

* It takes 7 seconds for the food to go from the mouth to the stomach.
* The human Hair can hold up to 3 kilo's.
* The length of a mans penis is the same as the length of his thumb times 3.
* The tigh is as hard as concrete.
* The Woman's heart beats faster than the men's.
* We use 300 muscles just to keep balance.
* The women has already finished reading, the men are still watching they'r thumb.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:40 am
by [Aliens]Chrille
taget från svenska ordboken år 1905:

NEGER

svart apliknande människa som är bra på diverse kroppsarbete, spelar trummor när han är glad

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 2:01 pm
by [Aliens]Falconer
[Aliens]Chrille wrote:taget från svenska ordboken år 1905:

NEGER

svart apliknande människa som är bra på diverse kroppsarbete, spelar trummor när han är glad


Translation:

Taken from a Swedish dictionary from 1905:

NEGROE

Black, ape-like human, good at all kinds of manual labour. Plays the drums when he's happy.

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 9:50 am
by [Aliens]heCKLes
Laughing at this, does that make me a racist? ;)

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:05 am
by [Aliens]Chrille
nope, not one bit as its from the REAL swedish dictionary!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:28 pm
by [Aliens]kronenbourg
A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!
But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso popped out!
The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms popped out!
The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.
By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs popped out.
The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.
The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:28 pm
by [Aliens]kronenbourg
New council tax re-evaluation policy wants to charge us more if we live in a nice area. That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

There is a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs. Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments. A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet. All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay. Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. They are out of control.



I hate living near Windsor Castle.

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:32 pm
by [Aliens]kronenbourg
The Welsh Cow

The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving milk.

The town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply.

They brought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward, they said.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side.

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Wales ?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wales "

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:49 pm
by [Aliens]Chrille
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 5:17 pm
by [Aliens]kronenbourg
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f*****g blanket.'






After a moment of silence, he farted.

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 9:37 pm
by [Aliens]kronenbourg
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but
amazingly neither of them is hurt.
God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women
drivers.

The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,
just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must
be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the
rest of our days.'

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a
sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to
drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. She hands the
bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the
man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'



MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don't mess with them.

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 11:01 pm
by [Aliens]Chrille
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 5:33 pm
by [Aliens]Exit
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 7:04 am
by [Aliens]Chrille
a man was out hunting in the woods, when suddenly a moose appears.
the man aims with his rifle and is about to shoot, when the moose suddenly says: "would you shoot me if i looked like you?"
-"no! of course not!" the man replies very suprised.
a brief moment of silence, then the moose shouts out "RACIST!!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: