Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Drunk or just talkative? This is the place for you..

Postby pagan » Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:49 pm

Been there, done that.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
[Aliens]Pagan
Youre a bum
Youre a punk
Youre an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse
I pray God its our last

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Postby [Aliens]heCKLes » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:33 pm

[Aliens]solifer wrote:Fyra sextips för att piffa till det i höstmörkret…


Indianen:
Ta tjejen bakifrån. Byt hål utan förvarning och tryck in den så hon skriker.
Ta snabbt handen till och från hennes mun.


Piraten:
Ta tjejen bakifrån. Precis när du ska komma drar du dig ur och spottar henne på ryggen.
När hon tror att det gick för dig och vänder på sig så skjuter du satsen i ögat.
När hon springer iväg med ena handen för ögat så knäar du henne på låret så hon hoppar på ett ben som en pirat.


Spöket:
Ta tjejen bakifrån. Ha en gömd kompis i garderoben och byt snabbt utan att hon märker något.
Spring sen ut och runt huset till fönstret och vinka till henne.


Rodeo:
Ta tjejen bakifrån. Ta ett ordentligt tag samtidigt som du lutar dig fram och viskar ”Det här gillar din mamma också”.
Sen är det bara att se hur länge du kan hålla dig kvar…

Bloody h*ll.. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

The pirate is a "must try"

If I had the time I wuld translate, but I don't.. Hopefully someone can though.. This was pretty darn funny.. :rofl:
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Postby [Aliens]Scandhi » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:48 pm

:)
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Chrille » Sat Jan 10, 2009 12:56 am

Vad heter sveriges sämsta rallyförare?


Ã…ke Vilse



vad heter sveriges sämsta skidåkare?



inga glid
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]solifer » Thu Jan 29, 2009 11:59 am

Fokus på det som är viktigast :D :D

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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Chrille » Thu Jan 29, 2009 2:00 pm

En Riktigt God Jul!

När fyra av Tomtens nissar blev sjuka så fick lärlingsnissarna ta över produktionen med följd att leksakerna blev dåliga och att det tog mycket längre tid. Tomten började att känna av julstressen. Sen berättade tomtemor att hennes mamma skulle komma på besök, vilket stressade upp honom ännu mer. När han gick för att förbereda renarna fick han reda på att 3 av dem precis skulle föda och att 2 precis hade hoppat över stängslet och flytt sin kos. När han väl började att lasta på släden så gick en av golvbrädorna sönder och leksakspåsen ramlade till marken med ett ordentligt kras. Frustrerad, så gick tomten tillbaka till sitt hus för att ta sig ett glas cider och en stärkande kopp rom. Väl framme i skafferiet så visade det sig att nissarna hade gömt rommen och druckit upp all hans rom. I hans frustration så tappade han oavsiktligt cider koppen som slog i golvet och där spriddes skärvor i hela hans kök. Han gick för att hämta sopborsten men då visade det sig att mössen hade bitit av alla strån på den. Då ringde det på dörren. Fruktansvärt irriterad så gick tomten dit ock ryckte upp dörren, och där stod en liten ängel med en stor vacker gran. Ängeln sa med en mycket glad röst.
- God jul tomten! Är det inte en förtjusande dag? Jag har en vacker julgran till er. Var vill du jag ska göra av den?

Och så startades traditionen med en liten ängel i toppen av granen...




Ett pensionärspar stod i bankkön när plötsligt 4 rånare sprang in, avfyrade ett par skott i taket och tvingade ner alla på golvet medan de tömde kassaskåpet.
- Lägg dig ner, gubbjävel! skrek rånarna åt pensionären.
- Nej du, jag är civilagent, så passa dig!
- Om du inte lägger dig ner så skjuter jag! varnade rånaren igen.
- Åh nej, försvinner inte ni så blir det synd om er, för jag är civilagent!
DÃ¥ rykte frun i hans rock och sa:
- Men Gösta, du är ju inte civilagent, utan senildement.
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Warriorjock » Thu Mar 12, 2009 12:05 pm

I think you'll get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The housekeeper, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night,! he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.


Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room... Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and see s his father in bed with the housekeeper.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Chrille » Thu Mar 12, 2009 12:20 pm

:lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Falconer » Thu Mar 12, 2009 1:06 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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---------------------------------------------------------------
"Son, how would you like to play for Man United?"
"No thanks sir. I've had a better offer."
"What could be better than Man United?"
"Man City!"
---------------------------------------------------------------
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]heCKLes » Sat Mar 14, 2009 6:13 am

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
N1 Warrior.. :)
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Nickelin » Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:38 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :x :x :lol:
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Chrille » Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:34 am

John woke up after the annual office new year party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

- Louise, he moaned, tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?’

- Even worse, she said, her voice oozing scorn. You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.

- He’s an idiot, John said. Piss on him.

- You did, came the reply. And he fired you.

- Well, screw him! said John.

- I did. You’re back to work on Monday!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Nickelin » Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:52 pm

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]kronenbourg » Sun Mar 22, 2009 3:58 pm

The council Job



A bloke goes to the Local Council to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He answers, "Yes - caffine"

"Have you ever been in the Armed Forces?"

"Yes", he says. "I was in Iraq for two years"

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment", and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The bloke says, "Yes, 100%.....A bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off."

The interview tells the bloke, "O.K. In that case I can hire you right now. Normal hours are between 8am to 2pm.

You can start tomorrow at 10am - and plan on starting at 10am every day"

The bloke is puzzled and says, "if the hours are from 8am to 2pm, why don't you want me here before 10am?"

"This is a council job," the interview says.

"For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that"
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Re: Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby [Aliens]Falconer » Sun Mar 22, 2009 5:20 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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"Son, how would you like to play for Man United?"
"No thanks sir. I've had a better offer."
"What could be better than Man United?"
"Man City!"
---------------------------------------------------------------
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